I’m sure that every person has at least one toxic person in his/her surrounding. They make us bend to them, ignore your willings and put self first. Such a person can be your family member, friend, colleague or boss. To deal with such a person can be challenging and exhausting. Toxic people often try to make you obey them, do what they want and to limit your personal boundaries. Most of all, they use other people to accomplish their objectives and make little account of your dealings.
How do toxic people behave?
My brother is one of such people. He behaves as if I owe him something. His life is an infinite stream of problems, and he always makes me fix them, puts self first and never says thank me. Max, it is the name of my brother, still wants me to sympathy with his challenges and care for him, although he never takes an interest in my affairs and says that all my problems are nonsense and I shouldn’t bother them. When I ask his help, he responds that I am a mature person and should solve the problems by myself. Although he comes for my advice and helps on and on, when I try to give him guidance, he starts to deny all my advice and says that I don’t know what to do and I can’t help him and make things worse.
I try to filter out his blaming, but sometimes it is next to almost impossible. It hurts me to hear them. I always leave no stone unturned to help him, and it is very unpleasant to hear that I am a bad adviser, and make the situation worse. Although I make every possible effort, when I try to ignore his requests to help, he becomes angry and says that I am a self-centered, сare only about myself, never about people’s feelings. When I communicate with him, he leaves me emotionally washed out. It’s almost impossible to please him. He is never gratified and grateful. When you try to help him, he says that you give the wrong advice, you do not help, he accuses you of being selfish.
The situations of my life: who is right?
Not that long ago, there was a situation, he asked me to help him as it usually happens. He said that he suspected his girlfriend of cheating. I proposed him to try the monitoring app. Max agreed but said that he had no time to look for the best one, and made me for this. Although I also didn’t have time for this too, as I had to prepare for my final tests, he didn’t care. I spend the whole day seeking for the suitable monitoring app, I read a dozen reviews on different monitoring apps comparing the features and prices.
When I proposed him one, he was indignant why this app is so expensive and made me find the less expensive one. I tried to refuse and explain to him that I had no time. Finally, I spent a few more hours searching for a monitoring app. He didn’t stir a finger to do something. I found the best app with the help of that you track the activity of your spouse, child or employee, it allows to monitor SMS, ingoing and outgoing calls, browser history, photo gallery, app usage, instant messengers, social networks, GPS location.
You can monitor everything that you need to track the activity of another person. It is a parental control app that helps to keep the children safe and limit their access to resources with suspicious content. There are some other features that allow blocking access to specific websites and apps, set time limits on using some apps and phone in general, but they are handier for parents who are tracking their children not for boyfriend tracking his girlfriend.
Moreover, after all the efforts I have made to solve HIS problem, he asked me to install it for him. As a result, I even didn’t have time to prepare for my finals and failed an exam because of his love affairs. It’s good that he was monitoring his girlfriend by himself and didn’t ask me to help him.
A fortnight later he knew that his girlfriend was cheating him. AND WHAT A SURPRISE HE SAID THAT IT WAS MY FAULT, that if not my monitoring app he would never know anything and everything would be fine. I was shocked, I did my best to help him. Now I am guilty of his girlfriend cheating. What the heck!
The above situation is not the only one. Once Max borrowed from me a pretty amount of money. I even can say that he blackmailed money, he pressured and threatened me. He lost money in the gambling machine and blamed me for that. He noted that it was my fault because I gave him money and he had problems and many debts because of this. He said that if I hadn’t given him money, anything wouldn’t happen.
What is my fault? Is my fault in that I helped him when he asked and blackmailed me? He never admits when he miscalculated or misspoken something. He is a confirmed gambler, but he doesn’t want to accept this.
What should I do, what is the best way to fix the problem?
I don’t know what to do. On the one hand, Max is my brother, but on the other, I can’t stand communicating with him. He always humiliates me and makes me dance to his tune. Max constantly finds fault with me and makes me wrong. I can’t bear it anymore. The most impressive is that I feel sorry for his problems and my failures, though it is not my responsibility. I do not have to help him, it is my own decision to assist him to fix his problems. It’s a pity to understand that instead of gratitude, I hear thousand of accusations. I do my best and get nothing in return. This situation pressures on me. I don’t know how to fix the problem. My brother is a good boy, I don’t want to stop communicating with him at all, I want to explain to him the issue and to make him understand his mistakes.
The worse thing is that he doesn’t realize the problem. I suppose that the best way to solve this issue will be to set my boundaries and rules, don’t run to the aid right off, and not to be a shoulder to cry on. I will try to be unemotional, uncaring and indifferent to his problems and not offer help. It is enough to help once, and with the first opportunity, he comes to me and makes me solve his problems and follow his will. I will try to say him NO, put self first, and explain to him that he does not have the right to command me and that I can decide by myself whom I will help, and whom not, what I will do, and what won’t.
Max is an unbearable person. I understand that it will be difficult, energy and time-consuming to change our relationships and to explain to him that I’m not his servant. I can’t just stop communicating with him, as we live in one flat and we see each other every day, but the world is full of toxic people, and they are like vampires that suck out all your energy. To communicate with such people can be a challenging and overwhelming process, but the best way is to know how to communicate with them rather than try to ignore them and close the door of your room. I want to limit the time we spend together, as it has nothing but only a detrimental effect on my life. I want to have only good people that trust and respect me and my boundaries in my circle and want to avoid people that manipulate my feelings and want me to follow their will.
My brother always wants me to follow his will, so how can I stop this?
Brother wants sister to follow his will, toxic people limit boundaries, put self first, don’t realize their problem, spy app monitors a cheating girlfriend.